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I Am Weak, But He Is Strong

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For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10b, NKJV)

Back in May I was diagnosed with two specific types of liver damage. One I was born with and the other is the result of a certain medication. I’ve been poked and prodded, had blood drawn, been shot through with radiation for a CT scan. I’ve been through a difficult time of withdrawal from that medication. I’ve experienced moments of significant pain. Right now, as I type these words, I sit on the couch with a heating pad tucked against my right side, trying to ease both the swelling and the ache.

I’m drawn to these words of Paul’s, words written as he suffered what was probably physical pain. I am confronted again with the idea that it is only in fully owning up to and embracing our weakness that we are able to engage in authentic relationship with God.

That’s a hard truth.

We can’t go the full-on deterministic route and assign God the blame for every bad thing or every moment of suffering. Nor can we go the complete free-will route and decide that God is totally hands-off. Neither position accurately reflects what Scripture reveals to us about our wildly wonderful Creator and King. It would be nice if we could precisely discern what God “decrees” and what He “allows” in our lives, but I no longer think that’s the right line of pursuit. We don’t know enough, can’t see enough, to able to nail that one down.

Now, I ask: What do You want me to do here, Lord?

In my heart, I feel that His answer is: Trust Me. Rest in Me. Obey Me. Stay with Me.

We Are Weak

I am weak. Frail. Fragile. My life is but a breath, the merest whisp. I can’t deny that, especially knowing that the most recent blood tests have shown that things are getting worse. I’m counting down the days until I see the specialist. And, while the likelihood of me getting pregnant has always been low, I’m under doctors orders now to do everything I can to avoid it, because pregnancy will make my liver problems worse. I’d be in the high-risk category before I even knew a life was forming. While I truly do accept this and believe that adoption may be in my future, this is still a big thing to adjust to when you’re married to a man who simply adores kids.

Whether God ordains a thing to happen or allows a thing to happen, I think that He works to bring us face-to-face with our intense inability to maintain any semblance of strength. He is like a drill instructor in that. He seeks to peel back the layers of self-assurance and get to the heart of who we are. He then builds us into the people that He designed us to be. That process, I think, means coming back to this weakness over and over again. What does that song say? Heal the wound – but leave the scar.

In some strange way, I am content in not knowing exactly why I’ve had so many health issues for so long. I could spend the rest of my life trying to figure that out and never get anywhere. I’d rather travel the roads of healing that God has provided, gathering as many tools for the fight as I possibly can, all the while knowing that I will never, ever arrive at a place where I am not in desperate, aching need of Him.

He is Strong

I’m not sure that we ever arrive at a place of “overcoming” problems in the sense that they will end. I think that’s the wrong way to look at it. In searching for that, we set ourselves up for disappointment when the next blow of temptation, diagnosis or financial loss comes. There will never be a time before our Lord returns when the sailing will be always smooth and easy. Overcoming is about perspective rather than an actual end. It is completely within our grasp, as children of the King, to walk through the raging rivers with integrity and peace. We may never get out to the other side alive in this life – and that’s okay. We have the power that raised Jesus from the dead dwelling within (Romans 8:11)! Whatever comes our way, we can endure. We can even be joyful because we know that this is not all that there is (Revelation 21:1-7). We overcome not in a series of steps, not in a program, not in never being tempted or never having issues ever again. Instead, we overcome by keeping our eyes on Jesus every day.

The tears are stinging my eyes now. My goddaughter likes to say, “But I’m just little.” We feels this. Our souls cry out, “I’m just little! I’m just awkward! I’m just weak! I’m just tired!”

And yet we are strong. We am hidden in the folds of God’s robe, tucked safely against His heart. He is our shield, our defender. We might be little, but He is so beyond big. We might be awkward, but He moves with perfect grace. We might be weak, but He isn’t.  We might be exhausted, but He never sleeps (Psalm 121). We can go confidently forward with a Lord like that!

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Marie Gregg

About Marie Gregg

Marie is married to Chris and is the owner of two neurotic dogs. She loves Bible studies, chocolate and British history. Visit her at: Along the Way.

Comments

  1. Marie, please join me, if you so choose, to pray also to St. Philomena, who is known for her powerful intercession with miracles in matters of health and children. I have had thyroid surgery, prostate cancer surgery, and a heart attack four years ago. I am doing well but I have been in your shoes. Oh, and I have been on meds for bipolar depression for 20-something years. I also had to go through some “hell-on-earth medication side effects/reactions. I don’t reveal any of this for sympathy for me, but rather sympathy for you because I’ve “been there, done that.” I place everything in God’s hands according to His Will. I know I’m out of line when I say please take care of Marie first, and the baby will come when you are healthy again, which YOU WILL BE. God bless you, dear, and hold on to your faith and courage which you have in abundant supply.

  12. Thank you for your beautiful article. I love the image of being tucked in the folds of his robe. How wonderful. I really like that reminder. I pray you can soak in the richness of his peace and love and that you experience the pure joy of knowing him fully during the times in is hard to take one more step. Thank you for opening up your heart.
    Dana Goodman, author of In the Cleft: Joy Comes in the Mourning

  27. I am so glad that you’ve all been blessed by this post, and I appreciate your encouraging words. The family of God is a beautiful thing!

  28. Dear Marie, I don’t know if you can stil read this message because it is now 5 years ago since you’ve written this.
    But let me just write what came in my mind as I read your message:
    I had the impression that you already gave up, what we amost always do, when we suffer. But we should remember to whom we belong and forget a while ourselves, pain, sufferings, worries etc… we belong to The HEALER, SAVIOUR, PROVIDER, PROTECTOR, RESURRECTOR/-ION …
    In your case my heart/mind went: ‘by HIS stripes we are healed!’
    ‘We were already healed’. It is the lie of the enemy! Those sicknesses and symptoms have been already taken by JESUS-CHRIST in HIS BODY and HE nailed them on that cross. So, tell them every day, hour, minute.. that you were and are healed by HIS stripes. And watch what GOD will do because you believe and trust HIM.
    Enjoy your healing journey and be blessed.
    Marie

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