There is no way I can handle one more “no”, God. I thought this desire was from You? Why do I keep hearing “no” then?
Let me back up a bit.
My not-going-to-quit-but-oh-how-I-want-to journey began with a nudging. Ever experience the nudge? That gentle push in your heart that you just have to obey or you’re going to be miserable? God began pressing on my heart the need young women have to know just how He feels about Him and He let me know I was part of the “letting them know”.
Taking the first step
Against my will, I took the first step by inviting seven girls over for pizza and brownies in order to share my own story of falling in love with Jesus.
The night was horrible.
With interruptions galore, by the end of the night, I just wanted to toss my pizza boxes in the garbage and crawl in bed. But first, I would let Jesus know how mad I was that I had obeyed Him and He had let me down. But even this plan didn’t go as planned. One young woman lingered asking for more. I’m not proud to say I basically told her to find someone else. My disappointment in the night whispered to my heart Don’t make a commitment! It won’t be worth it. But the teen was adamant. She was ready to take her faith deeper.
A week later, we headed to the bookstore to find the perfect book to go through. Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, thumbing through book after book, I just couldn’t seem to find a book that taught young women how Jesus was absolutely crazy about them … so I decided to write it.
Wanting it Most
That’s how I ended up putting myself in a spot where I wanted to quit. I had contacted publishers, agents, any one who would listen to my passion for teen girls and hear my proposal. All I heard was “no”. Each time I received a rejection, my response was different. On my good days, I repeated lines my friends gave me, “Each no takes you closer to your yes.” “God’s got this in His timing.” On other days, I believed the line my mind said to me. You know the truth. You are unqualified. With no college education, no background in English and no platform as they call it, you don’t have what it takes.
Even though what my mind told me was true, I couldn’t shake what I also knew was true: girls needed this message. So, with the Holy Spirit empowering me, I kept going. I knew there were some short cuts I could take to get my book published faster, yet I felt I was to wait and continue pursuing the traditional route. Five years and nineteen rejections later, I finally heard “yes” to a publisher taking on “His Revolutionary Love: Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You”.